A man walks into a talent agency with his family looking for work. Right away the agent says, I’m sorry, we don’t book family acts. They’re too cute. The man says, just give us a few minutes of your time. I know you’ll want to represent us. So the agent leans back on his desk as the family begins to perform.
First, the mom wheels in an enormous vat of mashed potatoes. They’re creamy and fluffy and there’s a huge pool of rich brown gravy collected in the middle. She’s dressed in an oversized rubber coat, but not for long. As soon as the vat is in place, she faces the agent and rips off her coat. She’s completely naked underneath except for knee-high leather boots with 6 inch heels and two nipple rings. The nipple rings are large gold hoops with two little cages hanging off each one. Inside each cage is a gerbil. The gerbils are rabid and foaming at the mouth. They’re growling and snapping at the bars of the cages, but the mother calmly begins to sway. The cages sway with her movements and gather momentum and pretty soon she’s got them spinning round and round, fast and furious. Her boobs are spinning like propellers and the cages are whipping around in circles. In a remarkably clear voice, she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner.
That’s when the father struts in, naked as a jaybird except for a red, white and blue cummerbund and two sparklers dangling out of his nose. He’s got a chicken on his head and the chicken is shooting eggs out of its ass rapid fire. Shit-covered eggs are flying everywhere and cracking open on the walls and all over the floor. One of the eggs flies between the mom’s spinning breasts and jams up the action. The cages snap off the nipple rings and fling off against opposite walls. They drop to the floor and open, freeing the rabid gerbils. Dizzy with rage, one gerbil turns toward the mom, races up her leg and shoots straight into her crotch. The other gerbil growls, gnashes its teeth and sprints toward the Dad. He runs up the father’s leg and plugs himself right into Dad’s ass.
Just as the gerbils disappear into her parent’s orifices, the daughter appears on a high dive near the ceiling dressed in a red, white and blue leotard. She does a perfect half gainer right into the vat of mashed potatoes. At impact, potatoes and gravy spew forth onto her gerbil infested parents. That’s when the family dog scurries out and starts licking the mess off mom and dad’s various bare and glistening body parts. Though potatoes are his favorite, he is suddenly distracted by the gerbil in mother’s crotch and spends a considerable amount of time trying to coax it out. Meanwhile, the family cat’s head is completely up the father’s ass in search of the other gerbil.
The daughter rises out of the mashed potatoes and rips off her leotard to reveal a glorious and extremely detailed tattoo of what appears to be a red white and blue leotard. She forms golf ball sized mash potato pellets in her hands and starts stuffing them up her ass. She aims her ass at the cat still dangling from between her father’s butt cheeks and starts farting mash potato balls at it. She just smacks the sides of her rear and the potato pellets shoot out like paint balls. She’s hitting the cat with everything she’s got.
That’s when the son comes marching in, totally naked except for an Uncle Sam top hat and one sparkler dangling from his ass. He has a huge boner, atop which he has balanced a fishbowl filled to the brim with flippity floppity goldfish. He moves quite skillfully across the egg and gravy covered floor and begins catching his sister’s mash potato ass pellets in his mouth, smiling the whole time despite the fact he has no teeth. One of the potato bombs hits the fishbowl, knocking it off the son’s penis and spilling the goldfish all over the floor. The mom scampers over to the spill, holding the unrelenting dog between her legs and begins to feast.
By this time, the Dad has had a gerbil and the family cat’s head up his ass for so long he now has an impressive boner and squares off with his son. They begin to sword fight with their rock hard penises. From atop the vat of mash potatoes, the daughter pulls two rusty hubcaps out of her ass and jumps with a flourish onto the penises locked in battle. Father and son cradle the daughter momentarily and then a one and a two and a three! basket toss her from their penises into a triple somersault. In mid-air, she tosses a hubcap to her mom, who snatches it out of the air and whacks the dog between her legs as hard as she can. The dog pulls out of her crotch and smiles, revealing the tail of a gerbil between his teeth. The daughter, after her triple flip, lands ass first on her dad’s shaft and simultaneously whacks him in the head with the hubcap. He shits out the family cat, who rolls toward the agent and coughs up the other gerbil at his feet. The gerbil stands up, takes a bow and everyone yells TA DA!
The agent sits in silence for the longest time and then finally he says, “That’s a very interesting act. What do you call it?”
At which point the gerbil pours himself a tiny martini, takes a sip, and says, “The Aristocrats.”
|
|
|
